Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
