so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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