can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
