Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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