Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
