I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
