You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
