Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
