Can i not drive my cunt home
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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