New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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