At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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