Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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