You smell like stripper and shame
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
