Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
