Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
