His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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