Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
