She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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