hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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