Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
