there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
