I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
