Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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