She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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