Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I just want nice things and good sex
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
