If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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