I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
