hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
