i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
