quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
