found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
