she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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