my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
