just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
