Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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