Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
