yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
