lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
my phone needs a breathalizer
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
