i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
