what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize