Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
