Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
