Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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