I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
