Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
