I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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