Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
