its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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