I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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