i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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