yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
