i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
