i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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