I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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