We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
