Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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