She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
