I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I deserve this hangover.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
