I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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