We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
