It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
