No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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