Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
