I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
