I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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