i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
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