My boss' voice literally gives me gas
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Randomize
