btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
