Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
