he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
