Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize
