The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
